I think I have mentioned before about the impact of people
taking an interest in Zac and meeting him on his level has on me and how much I
appreciate it. You may recall previously I talked about how the parents of
Zac’s best mate did all they could to make him feel welcome in their home,
knowing how anxious he would be and brought him a pack of hot wheels to abate
some of that stress.
I made a new friend recently. He’s younger than me, but we
share a lot of similarities both in interests and in general and I asked him to
come and help me start some renovations. I had to gut a laundry and I thought
he might like the challenge.
I prepared my mate for Zac and the challenging behaviours
and nuances that he might see and experience and apologised in advance (as I do
– its habit). My mate was very anxious himself and said he didn’t really know
how to act around little kids as the opportunity was rare for him but looked
forward to it just the same.
After destroying my laundry, my mate went and had some
“down-time” bouncing on Zac’s enormous trampoline. He had been looking forward
to it all day.
After a while, I went out the back to see what was going on
and discovered both Zac and my mate lying on the trampoline looking at the sky
watching birds and making things out of the clouds.Making things out of the
clouds which was one of Zacs favourite things to do because of his favourite
book Oscar and Hoo (remind me to tell
you about that sometime).
I couldn’t help but start crying.
If anyone knows me, they know that my family is my heart and my life. I would do just about
anything for both my wife and my son – that’s how much I love them. I talk
about my family constantly. I share about Zac and the challenges we face with
just about anyone that will listen. I do this because the love I feel for them
is so strong. They are my world. My rock and quite simply, they are the reason
I breathe.
SO when someone I barely know, who barely knows me, my
family and I guess my world, gets down onto Zac’s level, steps into HIS world
as opposed to trying to get Zac to step into theirs, it’s as though they are
seeing my heart and speaking to it.
In all honesty, there are few who do this. There are those
who do, but not everyone’s the same. We understand that and appreciate that it
can be hard work dealing with a boy who has his obsessions and will only talk
about them. But my new mate did this, and not because I told him, but because
he wanted too; because he was just being himself and wanted a chance to get to
know my son.
Those two kids bounced on that tramp for more than half an
hour. At no point was my son a hindrance to my mates downtime, nor was he
annoying or anything in between. Instead, my mate made Zac’s day. Not by
bouncing on the tramp and making stuff out of clouds, but because my mate spent
time with him, spoke his language, visited his world and stayed a while.
When you’re dealing with autism, you struggle to live like
“normal” families do. I know some families who simply don’t do anything with
their kid because the trouble is too much to bear. They can’t go out, don’t
visit restaurants, shops, other families. They don’t even go to the park. It’s
all too hard. I know families who by choice have stopped seeing their own
immediate family. For whatever reason, they are unable to spend time with
parents, siblings and their good friends because of how hard it is. Either
because of their kid, the embarrassment or because their families don’t
actually know how to deal with it.
That was and can be our reality too and we understand just
how tough it can be. We travelled away on camp before Zac was diagnosed. We
tented it down at the river. Zac almost drowned, choked on dinner til he
vomited in a swish restaurant (no one helped either), wouldn’t sleep, threw all
manner of tantrums, wandered off (to the air pillow) and after 2 days, we left
early.
It’s not easy. Especially when the world does not understand
that what’s happening is not “bad” behaviour but simply different behaviour to
what they think is right. To some, our son can be annoying. Gratingly so. He whines and
whinges and cries. We live it every day. But that should not be a reason for people to
judge, nor should it be a reason for us to stop living our lives.
Nor should it be a reason for people we know and love to be
ignored or ignore us.
I’m so grateful for the people in my family’s lives that do
exactly that. Meet Zac on his level and in his world. They are few and far
between, but we are grateful for you.
