Sunday, October 3, 2010

Obsession....not the Calvin Klien kind!

Sometimes the tantrums are so bad you want to crawl into a hole or be buried by an avalanche. Sometimes they are easy to deal with, but the majority of tantrums are simply battles that you need to pick. Often you win the battle to win the war but sometimes you lose the battle, but still win the war!
However, the tantrums in public almost curl your toenails and make your hair go grey in an instant. There is nothing like the shrill scream of a child after you have just ripped toy they so desperately want from their pincer grip.

Sadly, it’s the ignorance from onlookers than make want to slap them down in a fit of frustrated rage and scream “how dare you judge my parenting!” Little do they know just how many tanties you have had to navigate. They don’t know that it’s a daily occurrence. They don’t know it’s not just misbehaving.
This is my lead in to Zac’s many, many, many obsessions. My god! Had I known how obsessive an Autistic kid could be I would have prepared better! I would have known buying him a matchbox car with every shopping trip would turn into a daily fight for toys, cars and everything else in between. I would never have given him his first Happy Meal. I would probably have never shown him the movie Transformers.

MY God, the tantrums we have had over a $2 car and not getting Macca’s when we pass the golden arches! They are sometimes so bad that they spoil an entire night! Trying to teach an Autistic child limits is probably one of the most challenging things. Learning as an adult that Zac’s behaviour is not him being naughty but simply not understanding has been the biggest learning curve for us as parents. I wish that when his melt downs happen in public I could surround us in a bubble so that no one could hear or see what was happening! No one else understands my boy so when they stare with those judgemental eyes, like my son is the naughtiest child they have ever seen.

My son is Autistic, not naughty. I don’t know that any child is really naughty. I think naughty is a word adults give to actions that have become unacceptable in society. Misbehaving is your child not knowing that there is a better option! You should see the things Zac does! They are so utterly frustrating and what many many parents would label “naughty” but to him they are normal. Zac likes the sensation of things falling over his head. In the past this has been stones from the driveway, dirt, more dirt, scoria, polystyrene, rice, sugar, salt, socks and general laundry items, washing powder or any powder for that matter and recently, coins from the coin bucket.
This is a sensory game for him. It annoys me no end, but I have to understand it from his perspective. I have to be the visitor in HIS world, not the other way around. I am the boss yes, but I am not the commander of his world and what I see as "naughty" he sees as normal.

But back to the obsessions, Zac is not just obsessed like teen girls are with Justin Beber...actually strike that, he’s probably that obsessed and he is only 4! His current obsession is Transformers. I watched the movie with him about 3 months ago. Since then we have had to buy him Transformer upon Transformer. I blame Renee for it. She got the first one. But no matter how much I swear not to buy him more, I end up getting them and not because it’s easier than dealing with the tantrums, it’s because we have turned it into a reward.
That’s one of the tips we have been given but Zac’s early intervention team, use the obsessions for good rather than just for the sake of it. Now we have a kind of rewards chart which Zac works towards a toy of his choice at the end of the week. He is only 4 so we don’t chalk up the “naughty” days, but we do reward the better behaviour. It’s helped. His tantrums are much less when he has a goal to focus on. It’s our reward system that works for us.

But no matter the obsession, I swear that the makers of the current batch of Transformers are a misogynistic pack of bastards! They don’t make these toys like the used to!