I’m a bad parent...I know, I know...I can hear the collective “No you’re not!” and I agree. I am not like other parents who neglect or abuse their kids. Don’t get me wrong, but I am a bad parent because sometimes I fail to remember what my kid needs from me. I fail to remember that it’s not all about projecting some kind of perfectness upon my boy so society looks at him without judgement. Sometimes I fail to remember that his needs are greater than my own, that he needs to cry out his tantrum “right now” even though my need is to sleep, eat, shop, watch TV, write a blog, etc. Sometimes I forget that my kid sees the world so much differently than I do, I mean, I thought I had a good memory and an eye for detail! My kid can see a ladybug 20 meters away.
Look. I am not a bad parent, I guess I am just trying to prove a point. Having a kid on the spectrum is hard work, but having ANY kid is hard work. Being a parent is hard work, full stop, no return. But, I just wish I could have an endless supply of patience, because my kid deserves it. You know what I mean. We have so many of our own personal issues to contend with and then we have a kid with needs to grow! It can be a full on exercise in endurance.
There are times I am great at being an uber patient parent. I know we all agree with that we as parents can have searingly bright moments of glory. We do so good managing the meltdown in K-Mart, the poo smeared on the wall, every toy owned strewn across the floor, the sleepless nights, the fight to wash their hair or brush their teeth, the fear of all things invisible, the fear of all things visible, the tantrums, the mood swings, the depression, the anger, the violence, the hatred, the obsessions, the over-the-top excitement when they see the Golden Arches, the “it’s too loud”, the I-want-it-and-want-it-now’s (what I call “Veruca Salts”) and everything else in between that when we don’t manage it, its glaringly obvious.
The goods certainly outweigh the bad’s, don’t get me wrong. And maybe its just my well known ability to not be consistent (my teachers always said “He just needs to apply himself”) in dealing with my little boy that aggravates me the most. I mean, that’s what he needs. Full-stop, no return. He needs an understanding daddy, every single time it happens.
But I fail miserably. I get irritated, frustrated, angry, emotional, short, curt, and most of all impatient. I get frustrated when he won’t listen, won’t do what he’s told (even when its a matter of safety), constantly repeats himself, yells, screams, yells some more, screams louder, talks constantly, presses every button there is too press, all because I am tired, busy, focussed on other things, reading, writing, working, sick as a dog, using the toilet, driving the car, checking the sugar content in the juice I just gave him, talking to someone else, checking facebook (which reminds me...), cooking, peeling potatoes, having quiet time....you get the picture.
I am not perfect. I’m not a perfect parent and I ask you, who is? None of us are. I love my kid and thats all there is too it. Sure, I forget that I am a visitor in his world often, but when I remember, it’s when I get the most out of my little boy that is Autistic.
Be the visitor in your kids world...at least once a week...might make you a great parent!
No comments:
Post a Comment