Autistic Kids wander, they actually have a name for it.
If you haven’t heard, this week a 5 year old autistic boy was killed by a passenger train after wandering on the tracks. http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/boy-had-roamed-before-tragedy-20110331-1cngk.html
I was on that train.
We didn’t know at the time that it was a child that had died. We just knew it was serious.
On my way home, Renee rang and told me it was a child.
The next morning I found out he was Autistic.
I instantly thought of my own boy, who is 5 and Autistic.
We have been lucky.
Zac is a wanderer. He can’t stay still. He has to go where he feels he has to go.
We are lucky because that’s mostly to the toy section of Kmart or Target, but its difficult to keep him with us.
Kids wander, don’t get me wrong, but an autistic wanderer is far more dangerous. Its easy to loose kids, we know. I remember being lost as a kid, so does Renee, but we knew we were lost.
Zac wouldn’t care. Zac wouldn’t even know he was lost or know what to say if he was asked.
That’s the difference with kids on the spectrum, their understanding of things we take for granted is skewed. They often don’t understand right from wrong, and its not an excuse, its not bad parenting, its just reality.
Zac wandered across the road at the age of 2 and into a neighbour’s yard. Still not sure what fascinated him, but there was something in there he wanted. He was not yet diagnosed. Someone had left the gate unlatched (me I think) and my mother-in-law was visiting at the time and took it real bad thinking she had done something wrong. It caused a major argument (which was disappointing) and it was all because Zac had wandering legs which he could not really control.
We moved to a small country town that had not decent fences. As I write this, I can look out the back at a 50 year old fence and see a huge gap into the neighbours back yard. Thankfully there is wire across it so Zac can’t get through and see the cats that he thinks are his. He meanders around the yard in his own world with his own plans and desires, looking for anything he can get his hands into. If the door is open, there is no doubt he will quickly end up outside, and if the wire door is latched, he has no issue finding a chair to stand on to open it.
The worst case we have encountered is when we went to the shopping centre one afternoon. Renee was looking for some accessories for her outfit to a wedding the following day. I was outside the store with him, then he went into see Renee. In a matter of maybe 2 minutes, he was gone. And when I say gone, I mean – G.O.N.E.
The following 10 minutes were the most harrowing we had ever experienced. Your heart sits right in your throat beating with every frantic step you take. Your mind races, thinking about where you last saw him, what he was wearing and trying to work out where he could possibly be. Your eyes search every store, glance over every kid. Then the panic starts and you have to fight the lies your mind tells you – that he’s been taken. With every breath you reassure yourself that you will find him.
After I had gone down as far as I thought he could go in only a short time, I went back to Renee who had still not found him. Her face was white with fear and I knew that she was thinking everything I was. Our kid liked to wander and now we had lost him on a busy Friday night in a huge shopping centre.
Thank god Renee thought of Target. I raced there immediately and straight to the toy section.
There he was. None the wiser, not aware of the fact that he did something wrong nor concerned with the worry. No, all he wanted was a Transformer.
Zac didn’t get a toy that night. We went straight home.
Renee and I were both so distraught.
No one considered it strange that a nearly 5 year old was wondering the mall on his own.
And now I think about that little boy who was also seen crossing a major highway and no one stopped to help or called the police.
Have we become so self absorbed that we can no longer see when a child is in danger and think to help? Has society become so afraid of itself that we are afraid of what others will think?
That little boy could have been saved.
My heart breaks for his family.
I got goosebumps reading your story as we all know it could just have easily been our child. Everyone wonders how you can loose a child but a couple of minutes or even a second is all it takes. My son gets outside every chance he gets, usually through the dog door. I turn around and before I know it he is in the garden which is his favourite place so I can relate to you talking about your son disappearing out of sight quickly.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and I too hope people will be more aware of what's going on around them and not be afraid to step in if they are concerned especially when it comes to all our precious children. Less judgement and more action would be better.
I have no words for that poor family's loss but am thinking of them and their poor little boy
I am a 40 old adult with autism. I did wonder as a child for that fact my parents used child restraints on me until I was 11. I understood to a degree why it was being done, but I could not have cared less. My parents hated the stares, but did what needed to be done to protect me and I am thankful for that. I do not understand when I see parents out with a 2 year old out of control why they would not use child restraints on them. Are they more concerned about the looks they will get as to the child's safety.
ReplyDeleteI also can understand how people can leave a child. I did about 5 years ago, come across a child wondering the street alone, who was incredibly young. I stopped and held the child's hand and was about to call the police when I was attacked and I mean beaten by the child's parents for touching the child's hand. I have since called 000 when I saw a child I thought was in danger to be told the police had better things to do with their time. The fact is it does not matter to me what I do it will be wrong. If I intervene I will be attacked and if I call the police it will be ignored. I do actually wonder how many calls police did recieve that night and how little attention was actually paid to them.
But as an adult on the spectrum, I also know that to this day we do not as a society consider WHY children do what they do. We look at ones to stop everything a child with autism does and that is not always bad, but the fact is unless and until you can find out why then anything you do is going to be bandaide. And sensory issues are to me the number one reason why anybody on the spectrum does anything and also the thing that people care least about.
I do not want to blame anyone for that accident it was no more the fault of those drivers as to the parents of the child concerned. The fact is though that in order to really help those with autism we have to begin to look for reasons why they do things, instead of simply trying to make them look and act normal. We are fine as we are, and if you accept us for who we are with our sensory issues intact then we will be fine.
Most five year olds not on the spectrum think it is perfectly acceptable to play hide and seek in shops to go and find what they want, and then they will come back when they are ready. Sure the average 5 year old knows when they are lost, they also know what they want to do, and what you have described is actual normal 5 year behaviour. I want a toy and so I will go and find the toys. It is like parents of autistic children that say the child will not sit still at the of 3 to have a hair cut. NO 3 year old sits still to have their hair cut. Sure kids on the spectrum have extra issues, I did, but sometimes we also need to remember that they are simply children, and behaving as children.
our 3 year old has autism and i also read about the poor lad in australia. i went and ordered a medic alert style wristband that night. next on my list - a high vis vest!!!
ReplyDeletejeshiko, we have a medic alert bracelet too. We have stopped short of a harness, we just keep him in our sights at all times when out and about. I am however looking into a gps bracelet and there are also some proximity alert bracelets/watches that beep when they have gone a certain distance from you...
ReplyDeleteOur son was a wanderer when he was little and he had no medical affliction. I am always alert to little ones on their own and will "stick my nose" in to make sure they are OK. God bless you on your journey with Zac.
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