Acceptance....just what what we needed

We have just got back from dinner with friends and I have been inspired to write a new blog.

Dinner was with the family of Zacs best friend, Bryce. Bryce is a very special kid and has an important place in Zacs life. They know each other from kinder last year and we are not sure what or why it happened, but Zac and Bryce just clicked. They are the absolute epitome of BFF’s!

Bryce’s mum, Belinda, works at the day-care centre that Zac goes to, so it was only inevitable that we would all meet socially so that the boys could meet for play dates.

Make no mistake, Zac is totally obsessed with this kid! Bryce just seems to get him and understand what he needs and how to play with him on his level. It is great to see them together. I love hearing Bryce calm Zac when hes having a tantie and I have even heard Bryce make deals with Zac they way we do to get him to do something.

What’s amazing is that Bryce does this without intervention from adults, he has not been taught how to deal with Zac by anyone and does it all with an insight and patience that I wish all kids had.

This year, Bryce went to school while Zac stayed back to complete another year of kinder. It was a hard adjustment for him returning at the start of the year and both Zac and Bryce missed each other like the desert misses the rain, so we invited Bryce and his family for dinner, even though it’s frowned upon by management to “fraternise” with day-care centre staff, but this was about Zac maintaining a close friendship with his little mate.

One of the greatest fears we have is that he will not be able to make long lasting friends, that because of his nature and mannerisms, what we lovingly term “eccentricities”, kids will not want to befriend him. Gratefully this little boy has accepted him with open arms and without want or reward.

Dinner last night was the first invite we have had to another family’s house since we moved to the country 3 years ago. One of the first things to vanish from your life when you have an autistic child is your social life. For us, it’s been a lot by choice. We don’t go places because it can be tough and you don’t end up enjoying yourself because you’re always on edge making sure your kids not touching something, getting into places they shouldn’t, or playing with things off-limits!! The other issue is that new places, rules and routines set off melt-downs, tantrums and difficult behaviour either there or when you return home.

But last night proved us wrong.

When we arrived I was slightly on edge. You just can’t presume anything from an autistic kid, but the most generous and thoughtful thing happened. Bryce’s Dad, Dan, presented Zac with a 5-box of Hot Wheels cars (for anyone who has read my previous blogs will know how obsessed with cars Zac is!). Dan openly admits he has a soft spot for Zac. I also think he is really proud of his boys, especially how good they are with “different” kids.
What amazed me and touched me was that Dan later said that he got the cars because he knew that Zac might get a bit upset in a new environment and if he had some cars, then at least he would have something that might calm him.

No one has ever done that for us before. Gone out of their way to make my kid feel safe and accepted.

Don't get me wrong, we have close family and a friend who understand Zac’s nuances, but it amazes me that someone has thought beyond themselves to make my boy feel safe in their home. What Dan did was simple, yet made a world of difference to Zac, and us.

It speaks volumes to me about this families heart.  My son has been accepted into a family with no question about who he is or what “problems” he has. Belinda talks about him with affection and love and how he brings joy to her day at work. Dan talks with a smile about how he used to be greeted by Zac each day when picking up Bryce and secretly loves that Zac says he has “fire on his arms” referring to his tattoo.

AND! And, and the fact that their 6-year-old son can openly accept Zac for who he is, is a true testament to the way they are raising their kids. This is the acceptance and tolerance that all kids should be raised with and these parents are doing it without second thought.

We thank our new friends for the acceptance of our family....and for the invite to dinner!