Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ch ch ch...choices!

Why does it seem harder to make decisions about important matters when you have an Autistic kid?

There is so much to consider, so much to take into account. The bigger the decision, the more contemplating you seem to do. If your autistic cherub is averse to change, like Zac, even the simplest and smallest change can set off an avalanche of stress, tantrums and meltdowns, developmental and behavioural retreating and a day/week/month of difficulties.
But, I am a firm believer that you can not allow your child to imprison you within the “fear” of a meltdown.

Your child, our children, live in a world that is different to the way they view it, with social rules and complexities that they do not understand or have the capacity to assimilate too. Where we see white, they see every shade. Where we hear a room full of people, they hear a rock band in a small room.

In their life, they create their own rules and routines. Zac was blinkered in to travelling the same way too and from Kinder that any diversion was cause for concern. Genuine concern.

If we said we were going somewhere like, Target, we had to go straight to Target. No diversions.

When we stay away from home, when we return, Zac is difficult for about 3 days until he settles back into our routine.

But I am a bit of a masochist sometimes and will purposely alter plans, travel destinations, routes and routines just so Zac can understand that life is not as “narrow-minded” as he sees it. There are things he can’t control and he needs to understand that and it is my job to ensure that – even though reasoning with him about something changed is  the most difficult thing in the world. Him being challenged now, will help in the future.

Renee and I have made some tough decisions over the last few years. We have also made choices that have been based on the threat of meltdowns; in the best interests of Zac, us and the general population.

The biggest decision so far has been to remain in the small country town we live in after having moved from the “big-smoke” four years ago. Something about Zac going to a school of 150 students, 5 minutes from home seemed comfortable. Then when we met the Principal, there was no denying that Zac needed to be there.

A few weeks ago, Renee rang the Principal to begin the transition from Kinder to school. It is something that we need to prepare for 6 months in advance. This kid has been at the same kinder for a year an a half, with the same teacher and same rules, so getting him settled into school is going to be a huge transition.

Renee was so excited when the Principal told her to send in every report she had about Zac so that they could start writing their proposal for an integration aide.

When she met the Principal, our fears and concerns about Zac heading to school were allayed. This Principal showed Renee the “calm” space they created for another autistic boy, talked about how they would support Zac and his transition to school.

It was the proof we needed to confirm our decision.

This week we were presented with another important and very hard decision to make.

Renee discovered there is one place available at the Winchelsea Kinder. He currently attends Kinder/daycare in the city close to Renee’s work and has been there nearly 2 years. He has had the best care and teacher. We couldn’t have asked for more.

But, with an available spot at the kinder, Zac would be able to spend 6 months with kids that will be in his prep class at school next year. It means that he can potentially make friends, something we desperately want from him. The transition to school would be better planned and cause Zac less stress.

It means Renee would have to finish working though. There are no child-care facilities in our town and we have no one to look after him during the day.

So the decision is a tough one to make, but when you weigh it all up, it’s not hard to see the value and positive outcomes of making the choice. Do we choose to live on one very meagre salary so that he can have the best chance and start at school? Could he transition to school without problem and we simply take the chance? Is money really worth it in the end?

It’s the things we do for our kids. That’s what counts.

A friend gave me this quote:

”If choosing between work and family, choose family – work will always be there later"

1 comment:

  1. No one ever said on their death bed "I wish I did less for my family".

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